10
years ago today my parents drove me and a car full of my stuff to Bournemouth
University to pick up my keys before moving me into the lovely purple house on
Purbeck Road. They left me there, a short walk from the beach, and suddenly it
was time for me to be somebody. I don’t think I have ever been so terrified and
bewildered in my whole life.
At that
point I had no idea who I was anymore. I knew who I’d been during those two
glorious years of sixth form and throughout the final summer with all my
friends, going out in a blaze of glory, as they say. But suddenly I realised
that I just had no clue who I was going to be from there on in. To say I was
frightened would be an understatement. With all of the excitement leading up to
that moment, all of the long conversations and dreams about how wonderful being
a student would be, somehow I had completely failed to prepare myself for
actually taking that step. I felt entirely lost and utterly alone.
I’m not
ashamed to say that the adjustment period took me some time. I walked around
like a shadow and I cried a lot. I went through all the motions of going to
uni, socialising, all that kind of stuff, but I really struggled. There was one
horrifying moment with a bus, a long walk, and a sorting office. But we won’t
get into that here! (Oh Mum – thank you so much for getting me through that one
somehow!) After two weeks my parents suggested I got the train home for a
visit. What an idiot, why hadn’t I thought of that before!? I was living as
though I could never return home and that I had to live with my lot in life and
deal with it. But a two hour train journey and I could be home on a Friday
afternoon, back on a Sunday night. Weekends at uni are relatively uneventful
anyway as a rule; I now know that those are “local” nights out, so students
mostly stick to the beach and house parties.
So that
was that. I started returning home at weekends. Then every other week. Then
maybe every three weeks or once a month. Eventually I only really returned for
holidays, special occasions or generally because I needed a break or change of
scenery. I got closer to my housemates, course mates, and other friends. I
immersed myself in activities and the lifestyle I’d been so desperate to experience.
By the first holiday, which was Christmas, I really did love uni. Those three
months had been a steep learning curve where I could so easily have given up.
But I didn’t. I am not only thankful for that, but I’m proud of myself. If I’d
left not only would I have missed out on the best friends I could ever have
asked for, but I’d have had to always live with the knowledge that I just gave
up. And that’s not me, I do not give up.
There’s
this strange thing that I would never have known about if I hadn’t persevered. It
might not seem like much to other people, but to me it is really something.
Over time the realisation has become even more clear and profound. I finally
really analysed it in my head last night, in fact. I’ll share that with you now
so you can try to understand just how enormous an impact university had on me
and my life.
When I
was younger I’d be going on school trips or Guide camps and we’d all sing the “everywhere
we go” song. For those of you who don’t know it, I shall explain. One person
sings (shouts) a line and everyone else repeats it back to them. So as a
youngster it went a little something like this:
Everywhere
we go
(Everywhere
we go)
People
always ask us
(People
always ask us)
Who we
are
(Who we
are)
Where
we come from
(Where
we come from)
So we
tell them
(So we
tell them)
We’re
from Bicester
(We’re
from Bicester)
Snotty
grotty Bicester
(Snotty
Grotty Bicester)
And if
they can’t hear us
(And if
they can’t hear us)
We
shout a little louder
(We
shout a little louder)
And so
it continues getting increasingly louder until someone in authority breaks and
you quieten right down. Usually just to start all over again half an hour
later.
But
here’s the funny thing; at uni the words changed. We weren’t from anywhere
snotty or grotty. We were from Bournemouth, mighty mighty Bournemouth! I think
that actually tells you all you need to know. Up to the age of 18 we are all
just going through our childhood and teenage years, doing as we are told and
expected to do. We go to school and work hard, we get part-time jobs, we
socialise, we experiment with drinking, we party, we cause our parents to
worry, but mostly we try to just get somewhere. Usually that somewhere is just
quite simply “away”. When we go to university we are taking charge of our own
destiny. We are working to shape our own future and find out who we are and who
we can be. We have taken a huge step to steer our lives in a direction that
will take us to the stars. Suddenly we aren’t ashamed of where we come from, where
we are, or where we’re going. We’ve made a positive choice and we are proud of
it.
If
anyone is thinking about going to uni but isn’t sure, I really recommend giving
it a go. If anyone is there and struggling, weigh up your options sure, but you
definitely owe it to yourself to give it your best shot. I’ve been this hash of
a grown up for 10 years, and I wouldn’t change a moment of it. Since that
wobbly start things have only got better. I have the greatest friends anyone
could ever ask for. I know until the moment I breathe my last, they will be my
world. They are the stars in my sky and the air in my lungs. My little
patchwork heart is bigger than ever, as I’ve shared pieces of it with the
people and places I’ve loved, and they have shared theirs with me. Not one of
us has a complete heart, original and whole. Rather, we each have this mess of
a thing made up of little parts of each other. And in its mess it is undeniably
beautiful.
A
decade is a tremendously long time and in the blink of an eye it’s gone. But I
have the memories and friends to keep me going through the rest of my life. All
because of a decision that I made coupled with the unfailing support of my
family and friends. So to each of you who got me through those three years and
everything since, you are my whole entire world. You are the rocks I cling to
when I’m petrified of being swept away by the storms and you are my source of
endless love and joy. You are where I go to share every moment of my life,
happy or sad, and you are my home. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. And
also, thank you to me for making great choices and attracting perfect friends!
Credit where credit’s due, after all!
Tonight
I’ll raise a glass to all of us. We made it! Here’s to the next 10. And with
all of you on my side, I know it’s going to be fantastic. Cheers!
With
endless love and all my heart,
Hattie
xXx
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