*~*~* My glittering stars *~*~*

I can’t help feeling entirely relieved now that this obscene football-poppy shambles has reached some form of resolution. I have to say it was becoming utterly ridiculous. I had feared it was fast morphing into yet another hideous row over race and politics. Wear a poppy. Don’t wear a poppy. It is just so unbelievably unimportant. The 11 th November is REMEMBRANCE day. A day when we REMEMBER. We remember the brave soldiers who fought and died in the First World War. We remember all the service men and women who were enlisted into World War Two. We remember every child without a parent, every mother and father without a child, husbands and wives without their soul mates. We remember those whose lives were lost during war, those who were injured fighting, and those who lost loved ones. We remember all the people affected by all the wars. These days lots of people choose to use the day to honour the many men, women and children lost, injured, widowed and orphaned by the recent...

I got into bed last night and then this popped into my head so I wrote it on my phone and now I am sharing it! Hope you like. We cry ourselves to sleep And wake with swollen eyes. Our hearts can only weep As we begin to realise That all we are Is not enough. We want the stars But get the rough. Our hearts are broken, Cast aside. Our eyes are open But they hide The pain we feel That seems so wrong And yet it’s real And lasts so long. So shed your tears And chase away Those painful years. Tomorrow’s a new day. That is all for the minute :-)

So here’s the deal. I’m an intelligent woman in a good job. I’m a great friend. I’m funny. I am not entirely hideous and I’m neither hugely over nor under weight. I have spent so long faking self confidence that I’ve pretty much tricked even me into believing in myself. In business I am firm but fair and get the job done in a timely and efficient manner (the CV dream), be that at work or at home dealing with difficult situations. I always get my way in the end. Yet here’s the thing; when it comes to matters of the heart, if I really give a damn about a man, I will let him walk all over me. I become a total and utter doormat. By saying that I feel like I am completely unravelling all the years of hard work and amazing strength of my foremothers (are we calling them that!?), who fought to overcome all the social prejudices and put women and men on an equal standing. To prove that we don’t need a man to validate us or “bring home the bacon” (I’m a vegetarian anyway, so tofu in my case – ...

The infamous phrase “live fast, die young” was first thrust upon the world in 1949. In fact the full quote, spoken by John Derek in the film Knock on Any Door was “live fast, die young and leave a good-looking corpse”, which is as hopeful as it is alarming. Now more than ever this saying is resonating in my mind, as we seem to be in the midst of yet another spate of tragic and untimely demises among the rich and famous. Last month the glorious mess that was Ryan Dunn died an awful death after driving too fast and under the influence of alcohol. He killed himself and his passenger. He was 34 years old. Dunn was always living on the edge, chasing his dreams and prolonging old age by forever behaving like an eight year old boy. He was famous and spent years delighting audiences by being utterly ridiculous in Jackass with his co-stars. He was fantastically entertaining and bizarrely attractive as he rocked the borderline bad-ass/idiot persona. Despite his crazy lifestyle, I don’t think...

So I have always had very varied tastes in pretty much everything. Years ago this used to worry me. I used to keep lots of things to myself. I am so happy to say that I no longer do that. I have the good fortune not to care what people think of me. The people with opinions I care about would never dislike me or judge me unfairly based on something I enjoy or do. And what of anyone who would judge me based on such things? Well I care not for their opinions and they certainly wouldn’t be my friends. I am 24 years old. I am me. I am not going to change for anyone, nor would I ask anyone to change for me. I spent 11 years of my life being pretty badly bullied and as a result I was terrified to be who I was. If truth be told, I don’t think I even knew who I was. And then I found out. And I continue to find out I guess. I am always discovering new things I love. When I was 16 I started at Gosford Hill sixth form. I discovered how good life can be. School was awesome, my friends were wonder...

Another poem... I can be your friend I'm a grown woman now. I don't need you to love me, I'll get over it somehow.  I won't expect your kisses, I'll get by without your touch. I'll not look into your eyes; It'd give away too much. It hurts not to be close to you, Feel your breath on my skin. I wish things were different. I think you're my biggest sin. Please don't hold me close when we dance, Or brush my hair from my eye, It's taking all my strength Just to hide my sigh. I'll resist whispering "I love you" I don't need to hear it back. It's just nice to be around someone Who makes me forget the things I lack. Every word you say Means so much to me. You make me feel so good But I'll never let you see. It's never been like this before, I've never had to try Not to let myself love, I'm not surprised it makes me cry. I do wish you'd love me, Though I know you won't. I wish...

Here is a list Hannah and I once made detailing (loosely!!) the top 10 things we love about boys... 1. Fit 2. Good body 3. Lovely 4. Funny 5. Good kisser 6. Sexy voice 7. Beautiful eyes 8. Good dress sense 9. Nice hair 10. Willy You have to get as many of these ticked off as you can. Hilarious times from back in the day when we lived in the House of Joy. It's funny the things we think of, right? I can still remember who I was thinking of when we came up with some of those points. Any guesses...!?

Here's a little poem I found in my notebook from when I was travelling around America. It's not really up to much, but I may as well share some of my musings, eh!? It doesn't have to be something grand That makes you stop and wonder. It can be as simple as an outstretched hand That inspires you just to ponder. Sometimes a beautiful sunset Can make you feel so very small And it's these moments you never forget That will catch you when you fall. When you can gaze and marvel in awe At beauty natural and man made You'll know more than ever before Of a love that'll never fade. Faith doesn't have to be as you think it should; Religion may not play a part, But if it makes you feel safe and do something good, Trust it with all your heart. It's me off on an "I love the world" moment. Which it's hard not to have when you see so much amazing stuff as I did on that trip. And believe me when I say, it has bugger all to do with god o...

Wednesday 7 th April 2010 started just like any other day for me. I went to work in the job I’d been in for two months and came home ready for my usual evening of socialising. I went for dinner with one of my best friends and her mum then headed off to another friend’s house to watch Rocky Horror as we’d just bought tickets for the stage show in the summer and I’d never seen it. However, that evening, somewhere between dinner and a movie, the person I was at that time somehow just ceased to be. She is just a memory now. I started to feel really uncomfortable and had a pretty bad tummy ache. I assumed I’d eaten too much and thought very little of it. As the evening went on it seemed to be getting worse, so as soon as the DVD finished I headed straight home. By the time I got home I could barely stand the pain. I struggled to park my car and struggled even more to get out of it and up the stairs. I managed to stand long enough to clean my teeth then just chucked my clothes in a heap and...

So I am finally pulling my finger out and attempting to blog. It all feels rather self indulgent if I'm honest, and I don't even know if anyone will read my ramblings, but just getting things out there is an idea that really rather pleases me. Over time I may fill in little snippets of my life up until now, but for the time being I will mostly just waffle as ideas come to me. I am always thinking of things I'd like to say, so now I have a medium other than Facebook and Twitter in which to do this. One that feels mildly more meaningful and appropriate. I have been through a lot and one thing that I have learnt is that the greatest friends stick it out and ride the wave with you. They may veer off every so often, and we may all spread out and get caught up in different things, but at the end of it all, they'll still be there to meet you on the beach for a high five and a beer. I hope a few people read my ramblings and appreciate that I care about things and indee...

Everybody loves a good motivational quote, right? Well I read one the other day that I really love. "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's learning to dance in the rain." I do enjoy that. Even more so because I am a girl who loves to dance in the rain in my underwear. I am also very keen to live life to the fullest, however I can. So this really just struck a cord with me. Don't get me wrong, if I could choose I am pretty sure I'd go for endless sunny days, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the rain. It can refresh, renew and replenish. There'd be no rainbows without it. And if you haven't got somewhere to be with lovely straight hair, you can have a good old chuckle splashing about in it. We all have a past and we can only hope to have a future, but it's what we do in the here and now that matters. So next time the heavens open dig out your wellies, put on your best undies and go dance like no one is...

I, like a fair few of you I imagine, got quite into Chris Moyles and Dave Vitty doing their thing for 52 hours. It was entertaining from start to finish, and so refreshing to see that in this day and age, where we are constantly being asked to dig in our pockets for one thing or another, people can still be so generous. It was quite amazing, partly because it was such a normal thing to do. When they go off and do these wonderful treks and gruelling expeditions, that is fantastic, but just two blokes doing their job and not leaving for two days kind of hits home with a lot of people I think. You can relate to it more, and everyone’s been through the cabin fever thing or stayed awake for a day or two at some point, so I think people are even more inclined to get involved because of the proximity of it. It’s always nice to be a part of things like this too. Comic Relief is a great charity that does on-going work the world over so it’s quite special really. I have always supported Co...